A wave of light
|October 15, 2011||Posted by Toddling Mad under Journal, Parenting, Pregnancy|
This evening I sat and as I surfed the net checking on my facebook page I watched as more and more pictures of candles lit appeared in my news feed in remembrance of the babies that have wings and left us whether before birth or after.
Today marks the end of the Miscarriage and Baby Loss Awareness week and I have read posts by fellow bloggers about this but really wanted to post about this as well.
In June 2008 we lost our bean – our first pregnancy that we were so excited about, we had found out the week before that we were expecting and were so excited about it – we told our parents, our close friends and then at 3 in the morning on Father’s Day 2008 I woke up in pain and bleeding, I was terrified I really didn’t know what was going on (well I did but I didn’t want to believe it). I called a dr and he said nothing they could do and just let nature take its course. It was a complete miscarriage at around 6 or 7 weeks but the sadness I felt was immense. This week a great friend of mine went through the sadness of finding out at a scan that their much loved baby had gained wings and left this world. I don’t think anything prepares you for the sadness of losing a baby whether it’s one that you have held in your arms, felt kicking in your womb or only a tiny dot that you know and have such dreams and expectations for.
Miscarriage and baby loss is such a taboo subject – no one ever talks about it until the moment that you say what has happened and then you find more and more people that you know and love have been touched by this as well. The statistics say that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage so 25% of people that have been pregnant will have experienced a loss – that’s 1 in every 4 of your friends.
When it happens you feel so guilty, what have you done wrong, did you not want the baby enough for it to happen, were you too busy to focus on the baby. In reality there is nothing that you have done or could have done to stop it it’s heart breaking and no matter what people say to you along those lines you don’t believe them, over time you start to realise that maybe their right and it’s not your fault.
In my case I wish that bean had made it but without the miscarriage I wouldn’t have Little Tiger – he was conceived 6 months later and my life wouldn’t be the same without him, I have also made some amazing friends because of the miscarriage that it is unlikely that I would have made otherwise.
This post is in memory of bean and all the other angels out there and the families that miss them. As well as for my friends that have shared in the sadness and sorrow of knowing what it is to lose a baby.